The beginning of his story - Part 1

We conceived little Matthew just 3 weeks after getting married. We had hoped that that would happen and were ecstatic! The positive pregnancy test came on the Tuesday before Valentines day and we were going to have a party that Saturday with my oldest brother and his wife (who pretty much planned it all), my parents and Jon's parents. We used that party to make the big announcement and got very excited responses!

We began planning, found a midwife and a doula, got books and I started reading. I have attended 3 of my siblings' births but it had been a while and this was the first time for me!  We were planning to have a homebirth with Jon, my mom, the midwife and the doula present.

We began meeting with the midwife each month to check in and hear the heartbeat. I was a little anxious each time about hearing the heartbeat but it was there each time, though a little hard to find sometimes!

We also met with the doula (who attends our church) and were super happy with what we learned and were excited that she was available.

We had decided not to find out the gender but were super excited to see the 20 week ultrasound so that we could see our baby again (we had had a 10 week ultrasound at a pregnancy center). I was uneasy going in to the appointment and was still uneasy as we came away even though the only odd thing I noticed was that the chin was a little short. I was hoping to hear from the midwife soon that everything was fine so that I could put away the uneasy feeling.

Later that night at about 6:00 our midwife called and said that the ultrasound had found a lot of abnormalities and that she thought that we should meet to talk about them. We scheduled to meet an hour later.

I began crying even as we ended the phone call and called Jon to me. I told him through my sobs what the midwife had said. At the time we were at my brother's house and he was nearby so he found out that something was wrong. My dad and one other brother were downstairs so Jon had me sit down while he went and explained what was going on to them. We then called the rest of our parents with the news and went home for the short wait until the appointment.

I continued to cry and went to our room to lay down while Jon got me a wet cloth for my head. My bible was laying on my bed and I pulled it open. The first thing it came to was Lamentations but I didn't think I would find anything helpful in there and I was looking for Psalms. The next page it plopped to had Psalm 139:11-18
"If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
¹² Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
¹⁶ Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

¹⁷ How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You."

Verses 13-16 were extremely potent to me right away and reminded me that this is God's work, he is the one weaving our baby together just as He wants it and He has a plan for how many days this baby has. As I continued to reread I noticed the verses above and below it and found them to be very personal to me that even the darkest paths we face are light to Him and that He is thinking about me.

After a short while we went to meet the midwife

(Here is part 2)